The Inner Workings Of A Man Gone Wrong

The good, The Bad, and The Ugly...

2007-09-30T13:23:00.000-07:00

The good: Things are going a bit well. The Bad: Things are only going a bit well. The Ugly: Things are going a bit well.

Well things have worked out a bit, but not to the extent to which I'd like. I'd like to say that I'll try harder, but when it feels I'm the only one putting work into it. I don't think it's worth it.

Aris, I haven't heard that song yet, just read the lyrics. I'm still contemplating staying on the train for a bit longer, see where it takes me. If I see no lovely destinations ahead, I'll promptly get off. Or try to get off at the next stop.

I've been partying a lot. Have taken some stuff. Have been out and about. Have been working on school stuff. Have been having bad dreams.

I'm almost on the verge of going nuts. I get blinded by it when I'm near her, but when I'm away I can somehow tell that things are going wrong. It's also quite troublesome, since I never really know what she is thinking or what. So... I'm on the verge of getting off the train. It'll only take a bit of time, but I think the firewood's gone.

Bleh.
Will see what happen.

Maybe it's ending...

2007-09-20T05:57:00.000-07:00

This lovely train is probably stopping.

It's been good, it's been bad, it's been everything I thought it'd be. I just hate that it's probably ending.

Why? I have no idea, but I know that a large part of me wants to end it for reasons I will not disclose here.

I feel like shit...
It sucks bad, but I guess that's how things go sometimes.

Hating life...

2007-09-07T11:58:00.000-07:00

'cause my shoulder's fucked!

I fell off my skateboard a week ago. I was very drunk, and going downhill. You do the math.
skateboard + downhill = high speeds. high speeds + very drunk = very hard landings.

my shoulder is inflamed on what is called the AC joint. where collar bone meets the shoulder.
it hurts bad and i cant do much with my left arm.

fuck!

Sorry girls...

2007-08-23T01:12:00.000-07:00

This guy's taken!

I don't really know which girls exactly I'm saying this to, but I know you're out there. I've had a serious conversation, and it is confirmed that this love goes both ways. As in, I'm crazy about her, she's crazy about me, and this might turn into something quite interesting, exciting, and long lasting. Perhaps even forever :S Imagine that.

Other than this happy high I have at the present moment, nothing different has happened. I'm going crazy at the moment because I'm production manager. Sad, sad day for all the boys and girls. Actually, sad, sad day for me because the other people didn't get production management.

Fuck!

I'm lovin' life now. And I'm lovin' all the people who form a part of it.

You hear me you mofuggas? I loves j00 guyz!
hahaha...

I'm quite sure that this hyperactivity will disappear once I can relax. I think is something of a self protection mechanism so I won't go crazy and kill someone. Just make myself hyper so I won't be tired and all that. It could be that or...

The fact that I started skateboarding again!
Fuck Yeah!
You Butt Sluts, you's hear that?
Especially you Aris. You still board?

Anyway, it's 6:20pm right now on a Thursday night.
I think it's time for dinner.

This has been a ridiculous writing brought to you by your very own David Lopez.

This message will be superseded by another in a short amount of time... or days.
Which ever comes first.
Although time is always there and has no end. And days are just days, but... I didn't specify which day... it... it could be today...

Hmm... I'll just specify next time.
I reallllly just don't care at the moment.

See yas Sucka Foo's!

Take my hand and...

2007-08-20T20:44:00.000-07:00

... Follow me to bed.
Say you didn't really mean it
when you told me to go drop dead.

Smile that smile
that only you can smile.
Say you'll love me in the morning
after we've slept in a while.

Take my hand and
follow me instead.
say you'll love me in the morning
after we've cleared out our heads.

Nightmares, they've been plaguing me
I'm trapped in a fearful mind
But only 'til the morning time

Wake up and love me, baby
So what if we fought last night
We'll start today off right
Let's put it all behind us
Do something to help remind us of how we fell in love

Smile that smile
we're only here a while
Say you're never gonna ditch me
when true love goes out of style

Nightmares, they've been chasing me
I'm lost in a labyrinth mind
But only 'til the morning time

Wake up and love me, baby
So what if we fought last night
We'll start today off right
Let's put it all behind us
Do something to help remind us of how we fell in love.

Love that Song. It's "Wake Up" by Ozma.
Good song. Just thought I should share that for you.

Meltdown.

2007-08-20T01:06:00.000-07:00

I had one.
Just kidding.

Anyway, it's fuckin' fun living here in Sydney. Fuckin' fun.
I don't really think I want to go back home, but I guess I have to since my family is over there and all that. La familia! But that's still months away.

I've done some cool stuff lately. Did the commercial a few weeks ago, the one I was talking about. Some of my friends thought it was the best, which made me feel pretty good. Personally I loved it, I wish I could've gotten more things into the final edit, but being as it is 30 seconds, well... we just had to cut some stuff out. But I still liked the final product.

I've met someone who blows my mind, makes me sleep like a baby, makes me dream lovely movies in my head, drives me crazy, makes me laugh, makes me smile, makes me... well, you get the point.

I've been consulting my mind to see if it is possible that this person is the "one." So far my infatuation is telling me yes, but the realist side of me has contradicted my infatuation in letting me know that it could happen, but somehow something could go wrong along the way. Scheisser.

I'm at a point in life where reality seems to mix with the vivid dreams I've been having. I don't know if I'm losing my mind or what is going on, but sometimes when I wake up I don't know if it's real or not. Quite a turn of events, these are.

I'm wondering if i should get that checked. I'm pretty sure it can't be healthy mixing dreams with reality. I haven't consulted my friends about it, and haven't really thought of how to figure this out. Will be pretty interesting to see how this pans out. Maybe I'm a schizo? Maybe I'm just going crazy? Don't know. I'd love to find out though.

So what happens, you ask? Well let's just say that when I wake up I find myself in bed with memories from the days that came before. Sadly, some of these memories are fake, apparently. I've asked friends what we've done to discover if these are fabricated memories or reality. It's quite depressing when I find out that some memories which were quite beautiful end up being fabricated in my brain when I go to sleep. I don't like it.

I'm not going to worry about it, I'd rather be crazy and happy than sane and bored.

So what's up with you people?
What have you been up to?

I woke up...

2007-07-14T23:53:00.000-07:00

several times during my sleep. What had gotten into me I do not know. When I finally did wake up from this uncomfortable sleep I found myself in a daze. I really didn't know if I was awake or dreaming. I went about doing what I normally do and have concluded that this is real, or at least it feels real enough.

Last night was pretty boring. The guy who said he was going to throw a party had been apparently lying or maybe he had decided otherwise without consulting us, his neighbours. What we did with the case of beer? Well, there's still some left, but most of them have been expelled from organs in our bodies in a mix of various other liquids the body has decided to get rid of. Throughout the day we have been drinking on empty stomachs and found ourselves enjoying it. We saw Grandma's Boy while we were poisoning our bodies. If you haven't seen it, I recommend you get stoned or drunk while watching it. We lacked the marijuana fix to enjoy the movie better, but the beer happened to do the trick... a little.

It is now 5pm (as I'm writing this), and I have found myself doing nothing more than storyboards for a commercial shoot we're doing. I think I've mentioned it here in an earlier post. The storyboards are alright, I'm not an artist when it comes to drawing, and don't really intend on being one. I think that having the storyboards just as a shot list reference is good enough.

I have to come up with an idea for our 6th Production, which is supposed to be an ad campaign. Pretty much a commercial which can be cut into a 30 and a 15 second commercial. I have yet to extract ideas from my imagination, and I see no progress in the near future (today, tomorrow).

I will return to doing my storyboards now. Finish them, maybe add more detail to them. Then I'll figure out what I'm going to do later on tonight. I think tomorrow I'm going to buy a 30gb iPod. I think it's about time I should get one. I don't really like listening to music unless I'm driving or on the computer, but since I don't have a car here in Sydney, I have no choice but to listen to it while I'm walking to school or on the bus/train.

I will try to do daily updates, but I have found that I will do them regularly for some days and then end up forgetting all about it. But we'll see what happens.

Sayonara, mina-san.

David's dream...

2007-07-14T06:57:00.000-07:00

Vivid and realistic.
Never have I had a dream that has made me feel the way this one did, and yet, I can't remember it. It escaped my head as fast as I opened my eyes to see who was entering through the door. Uninterestingly surprising that this would happen.

Anyway, the party last night was fun as. I felt cheap, as I have so many times lately, so I bought a couple of bottles of wine and off I was. Got to the party and there was only a small amount of people, but that changed after about an hour. Don't get me wrong, it was still a small party, but at least it was with the people I actually like the most around here. I will now proceed to explain the accounts taken place throughout the night:

We started off by joking around and the usual stuff. Then after a while somehow the conversation shifted to something that had to do with chillies. I think I might have brought up the subject, knowing how I just love 'em. Half way through the conversation one of our hosts mentioned that they had chilli, those big red chillies you see in the market. He asked if I wanted one and of course I said yeah, but then I explained how back in Tijuana it's tradition (at least at my parties) that everyone (even girls) has to eat one. So everybody accepted, and we proceeded to add a punishment to whoever it was that left the most chilli. The punishment? Well, it was a double shot of Vodka mixed with what else but Wasabi. Nice. Seeing as I had never had that mix of tastes in my mouth I decided, unbeknownst to the rest, that I would be the one to drink that. So I left just enough chilli to lose and drink that. It was splendid. The burn of vodka in my tongue mixed with the nose flair and watery eyes due to the wasabi. Marvellous. Some other people did not share my enthusiasm, for their tongues and stomachs were burning heavily. I enjoyed that.

After the chilli incident. We pulled out a deck of cards and started playing the Kings drinking game. Love that part, I was looking forward to getting pissed from the wine I had purchased. It was very funny because I had pulled out two Aces and got to make up two rules. One was "don't say any names," and the other was "you can't point at people with your fingers or toes." The latter one seems quite easy, right? Wrong, it was one of the hardest things you had to do. I think people don't realise how much we actually point with our fingers. Well, the punishment for anybody who breaks the rules is that you have to drink. Little did we foresee how much we would actually have to drink just because of those two rules. The game ended when one of the girls pulled out the 4th and final king. She had to drink the mix of drinks that was in the cup.

I sculled a lot of wine throughout the night, and can honestly say I was fucked. Big, bad, dirty fucked. I have blank spots in my memory of some events through the night. I have blank spots during the walk home, in which me and a friend actually stopped and ate kebabs. Something that I only found out I did because of the chicken and chilli flavour in my mouth in the morning. I have blank spots of what I did once I got home, apparently I stayed up for a couple of hours more. Well, the party was fun. Good Fun.

One of my neighbours told me that he was going to have a party tonight. Well, it's late, and I still see no party. I'm assuming he must have backed out at the last minute or something. Which means that I bought a case of beer in vain. It's still going to be drunk, but not in a lively environment such as a party. No beer case should deserve that.

Well, I think that's it for now. If this guy actually throws the party I'll let you know how that went.

See you on the flip side.

If you're travelling the...

2007-07-13T01:25:00.000-07:00

north TJ fair. Where the winds hang heavy on the borderline.
Remember me to the one who lives there, for she was once a true love of mine.

I think some of you might know who I'm referring to, I think some of you might not know.
I think some of you might think you know, but little do you know that you don't know.
But yes, please see for me if her hair is hanging long, for that's the way I remember her best.

Anyways, there's a party tonight which totally caught me off guard. I thought it was tomorrow night, but a recent call has proven otherwise. I'm somewhat in a pinch because I only have a small amount of money (that I actually want to use) to drink, and well... that's just no fun.

I miss the cheap pubs from back home. I might just drink myself stupid today, and regret everything tomorrow morning. Well... we'll see what happens.

I'm somewhat bored lately, and I think it's because all the people here who are "friends," are just well... not too good. At least that's what it feels like so far. Everything feels too impersonal and that's quite sad and really, for lack of a better word, disgusting.

I'll let you guys know, whoever it is that actually reads this, how the party went.

Hot Lava!

2007-07-12T18:46:00.000-07:00

Oh Baby, Every time that we kiss, hot lava.
and every time that we make love that's lava, hot lava.
'cause lava's so hot it makes me sweat,
lava's so warm and red and wet!!!

Scheisser, even though it's not hot lava in this specific situation, I still think about this song all the time now because of all the hot chicks I've had to audition for a beer commercial. Being that it is a beer commercial, well... you know the girls have to be quite hot :)

So, I'm directing. I have to finish storyboards and all that, so that just seems to be the problem right now (as I can't draw all professionally). I already have the script, and all the girls and extras that'll be in the commercial (I think).

I'll see if I post it on youtube whenever it is that we end up finishing it. We're starting the shoot on the 31st of July, so it's pretty soon. It'll be fun :)

Anyways, I'll post something more later on in the day. Whenever it is that I'm not thinking about girls and come back into my life and start having fun with friends.

This is David Lopez, reporting.

Wow... a year and still kicking.

2007-06-11T14:07:00.001-07:00

Foack!

It's been over a damn year since my last post. It's quite sad to think how easily things get forgotten about. If this blog was a puppy it would have since passed on into the other world and probably would be cursing my neglectful behaviour. Sadly enough, I won't have anyone cursing me this year.

Well... A lot has happened since I last posted. A lot of drugs, sex, and rock & roll... and of course, film making. At least that's what I've been telling myself.

Let me fill you in on the details:
I decided to join APA International Film School. If you don't know where that is, it's in Sydney, Australia. So far it's been a really good experience, this film school is quite good. It's pretty intensive as in you learn a lot of stuff you probably wouldn't learn in other film schools. And the coolest part: you learn by doing.
It's really fun, although so far we've done some very small shorts and commercials. I think the reason behind it is because it gets you to feel more comfortable with the equipment and working with the actors. We did some Vox Pops where we had a presenter we cast ask questions to people in the street. Pretty fun, that was.

Although I like the school, I must say I dislike Sydney. Not in it's entirety, but surely enough to bitch about it a lot. It has some good things and all that, but I think that it'd be best left as a tourism city to those already accustomed to living in large cities. When I first arrived I was amazed at how beautiful it was, but when reality settled in, it just felt like any other city I've lived in. Same kind of people, same kind of atmosphere. It's just another modern city in my opinion.

The club scene is pretty fun sometimes, although it's quite expensive to be going out every night. Drinks are expensive at clubs, so I do what is smart, I get drunk before I go out to the clubs. Although, apparently, it's illegal to give a "drunk person" another drink at a club, they could lose their license.

The rave scene is sic, apparently (I have not gone due to the following reasons). Although it is EXTREMELY expensive. Pay $80 for entry into a rave? FUCK THAT! I'd rather not rave for a year and pay $10 when I go back home. Even the fucking pills are expensive! $30 bucks a pop. God I wish ravin' wasn't that expensive here. But oh well, there's nothing I can do.

Tequila... ahh tequila! The love juice of mother nature... uhh... Mexican mother nature. Expensive. $50 for Jose Cuervo. Need I remind you it's like $10 back home?

Girls... well... not too bad, not too good. They lack the boo-tay. However, everything else is alright in my book. Although most of the cuter girls I've met have something else in their blood, be it some Latin or European blood. If I were to quote something in this paragraph, it'd have to be Molotov's song Mas Vale Cholo: "Ahi conocimos a unas muchachas que no estaban buenas ni tampoco estaban gachas! Y las mandamos a hacer la fila para que nos sirvieran vario tequila!"

Anyways, that's enough of my bitchin'.

Now onto you, the viewer of my life. The beautiful audience that fondles my brain whenever it is that you come in here (oh yes, I do feel it when you enter the site). I love writing whenever it is I'm bored, or in this case, have writer's block. I have been writing, or trying to write/finish, around 3 different scripts, which if lucky, will be feature length. I plan to make haste in finishing one of the scripts, for I plan to start shooting upon my return. I will have to find locations in Tijuana to shoot at, and find actors. I plan to finance the film myself, though I wouldn't mind getting funded by some studio. I also plan to have it enter all the big film festivals, and if the sun shines on me, some BIG festivals, such as Sundance and Cannes. But it doesn't matter which one really, as long as it gets me closer to doing what I love, and get paid at least enough to live on, since I don't mind having bare minimum (except of course having a reliable Internet connection, my computer, and my car, other than that I'm alright).

Well... I've been screwing around with special effects, and other such things during the past year. I can honestly say that I can probably figure out how to do many of the effects used in films, just let me fuck around with the program for a while and think of how it could be done, and I'll be on my way.

Well, anyways. It's 7:48am here. I'm tired, haven't slept, and of course, nobody can forget the dreadful feeling of having your eyes feel as if they're going to burn slowly and fall out of their sockets, while you scream your head off. Then the neighbours end up calling the police because they think someone is being murdered, and then when the cops come, they call the little house on Memory Lane (Elliott Smith reference) and send you to your appointed room. Where you find yourself seeing people running on walls, people flying with pupils dilated, and men in white asking whether you took your pills or not. Then, after a few years, they find you 4 feet above the ground, hanging from a ceiling fan. You have a small funeral. People have forgotten you. And that room you once inhabited is once again put into circulation, and no one will notice the marks on the wall where your eye's blood once ran down from.

Well, I think it's time to sleep. Better put that imagination to better use (adult themed dreams). That's right. I still have those.

I'll see you on the flip-side.

Juan-David "J-Lo" Lopez

no updates.... lately....

2006-04-04T18:32:00.000-07:00

well... just what the title says.
I haven't been updating or anything because i've been pretty busy with some stuff.
I'm working on a class project for film class, and because it was a CLASS project, multiple people got to direct, which... well... yielded very bad results. very bad.
so because we have no more time to re-film stuff, i am forced to work with bad footage. but i guess it's what we see in the early stages of film school.

well... anyways, post something later.

... and then there was a music video script :D

2006-03-23T18:02:00.000-08:00

Hell yeah!

That's right, after a few days or whatever of not updating this blog. I'm back to say that I am planning on shooting a music video. Will have to be DV, but truly I don't need HD for a video, or at least that's what I think.

So I'm probably gonna start filming all the non-band footage first, and then the scenes where they're in I'll film with them in it.

By the way, do any of you know where I can rent time to use an airplane/airplane set?
I seriously don't want to go and waste a lot lot lot of money... so hopefully, if anybody is reading this, you can come up with some ideas.
And if no-one's reading this.... shame on you. Making me work so hard to write this and not reading it. You bastards!

Well, I'll probably start a video podcast when I start filming the video. It'll be cool since I'll add how we did some effects, behind the scenes, and mini tutorials or whatever. You'll like it.

Well, I'll write something later, since my head is killing me right now. I'm swamped with reading and blah blah blah, you know how school goes.

... and then there was a commercial-spot script

2006-03-18T01:18:00.000-08:00

So, my friend had this great idea for a commercial we could make, which was said in the last post. Unfortunately, I can't share it with you just yet, because it's an idea. We're gonna start shooting on that first actually, because well... we just want some mo'fuggin' money. Hopefully one of the companies will pick it up. I personally think it's weird and funny at the same time.

So how the idea came about was my friend heard a song, which is the essence of the idea so I can't name that either yet, until we copyright the script. I first had to look for the song, so I searched the nets and downloaded some songs which didn't appear to be that one, so I deleted those. After some time and a great feeling of giving up, I downloaded another one, and that was it. I saw who the artist was and on which CD it was in and ordered it quick from amazon (next day air). The cd arrived really quick and I soon became entrenched with the idea he had told me, I hadn't listented to the song when he told me so I didn't think it would be that good. Oh, how wrong was I. I was obsessed so bad that I realized the best way to get this idea done is to edit the song. I fired up Soundtrack Pro, and I was on my way.

The original song was 2:54 minutes long, a length that no tv commercial spot has ever witnessed. I was talented enough to lengthen it down to about 36 seconds, which is pretty close to the average commercial. When I showed the edited version to some friends that were to help in this endeavour, they exclaimed that they saw no difference, no jump-cuts in the sound or anything. They said it sounded pretty damn pro. I'm excited to shoot this. If we get the deal we'll have to license the song for commercial use. So, really looking forward to see what will go on.

... and then there was a first script

2006-03-17T04:11:00.000-08:00

Yes. It is true. I have completed it. Well, it is actually the first draft, and I have to say that so far it looks pretty damn good. Even though these are my thoughts (and one always seems to think higher of themselves, however, I'm extremely objective of my own work and don't have this "oh i'm so perfect and can't make mistakes" attitude), I really think that this is a good script. Of course, I can't release it on here, I mean... I don't want it to somehow get stolen. But I can tell you its good.

Hopefully, you will see it pretty damn quick. I'm planning to get a Panasonic HVX200 pretty soon to shoot my films and this one is at the top of my list. Well, almost at the top. As soon as I get it we're shooting a commercial spot for a water company, it's purely independent, but we want to sell it to a water company. Believe me, the idea is so hilarious. The only thing would be that the end scene would be shot with different water bottles from different companies. Depending on which one decides, if any, to buy it from us.

If I can't buy the hvx200, I will probably buy a jvc hd100u, the only downside I see is that it doesn't have 1080i recording, but I don't think it's really that necessary, 720p would do just fine. There's also all the other different framerates that the hvx200 has... Although it might look like I don't need them now, I might find some use for them later. They just have to exist for something.

... and then there was a new blog.

2006-03-16T21:11:00.000-08:00

i was wondering when i would start my own blog. i mean, basically everybody's doing it right? but no... i still didnt want to start my own blog, i mean... what would i write about anyways? about how my day went? "oh... i went to school, i saw some friends, went out with them to eat, went home, thats it."
i was, however, determined to start one when i actually started my quest into filmmaking, and due to the extensive use of Final Cut Pro in professional production houses and the such, i decided the day i would start my blog would be: when my g5 arrived.

here's what i ordered from apple:
dual-core 2.3ghz g5
512mb ram
250gb hd
nvidia 7800gt
airport
shuttle pro v2
Final Cut Studio

and here's what i ordered from newegg to complete my computer:
sceptre 20.1" widescreen lcd
2gb ram (so that would be 512mb + 2gb = 2.5gb total ram)
and another 250gb hd which i then used to RAID my hd's (you just need that extra speed and space)

so here it is... the day it all started... and i will bring you along for the ride. that is if you decide to read.